Summer's LAST Days

Blog note dated December 18, 2009: My blog is a like a diary of sorts. Many of my posts have meaning not necessarily apparent to my readers. This one, for example, is about my smoking habit. I am like an alcoholic when it comes to cigarettes. I cannot have just one.

I started smoking cigarettes in high school, although my habit probably started earlier when I was an infant since my mother was a smoker. I quit in my early 20s and then again after a few years of smoking, in my early 30s. For the last two years, on New Year's Eve, I have smoked just one cigarette, in the holiday spirit, and loved it.

In August, when I posted this photo of Brigitte Bardot, I was smoking again, full-steam ahead, and while it looks fashionable, it clearly is not. How quickly I was jonesing for cigarettes and counting the time until I was home and away from the office. It was delicious at first, as all addictions are. Eric and I woke up early, and had cigarettes and coffee on the balcony just before dawn. I would sit on the steps in the sunshine, smoking slowly, while my thoughts ran free, but within a short period of time I was smoking again in excess and struggling to stop. It's been 35 days now since my last cigarette and I am stopped again ... but for how long?